Work Jerking

 

 

 

No, Officer. I was just using my dick to scratch my hand.

Some people just can’t help but jerk at work. You know who you are. This dude above got busted for jerking it at Wal-Mart, which is surprising because he looks totally normal.

Several people called the Oswego County 911 Center sometime after 8 p.m. Sunday after seeing a man masturbating in a pickup truck in the parking lot of the new Wal-Mart on state Route 3 in Granby, state police said.

Was he an employee there? I can’t say for sure, I didn’t read the whole article because I was distracted by his handsome picture. But I will say this: if you are going to jack it in Walmart there are much better places than the parking lot. Trust me.

PS—do a google search for jerking in the workplace and you get all these stories from Florida like this one: http://www.wftv.com/news/9438969/detail.html

What’s the deal with Florida and the pervs, you say? Official word from Florida authorities blame it on the phallic appearance of the state or as they refer to it, “our nation’s wang”.

Reader JackOffCousteau sent me what he describes as a true account of his daily work jerk, which is something I could of totally lived without but it was rather amusing since he got busted:

I try to jack off at work at least once a day. Ususally, it’s in the last stall in the bathroom though this has it’s own issues as the bathroom echoes loudly.  One afternoon I thought I was totally alone since it was after-hours so I went to town in my cubicle. I heard feet just as I let off that last stroke to take it beyond the point of no return. I shot it as my supervisor rounded my cubicle wall and I was stuffing my junk back in my pants. Shit was all over me, porn on the computer monitor. Totally busted. He started laughing his ass off. I started laughing too, thinking maybe it would be cool. He started joking with me about it. But the next day, I got fired. At my new job, I have a more covert routine.

Great to hear that you learned from your mistakes. I will tell you that if I saw any one of my co-workers beating it there is not enough therapy in the world to help me. I would have to bathe my eyeballs in Purell.

From the emails I am getting now it seems like there is this huge epidemic of work jerking going on. Even from the ladies. Now I need one of those UV lights from 20/20 to check out my cubicle for traces of co-worker semen. Great.